This was a new kind of pain I had never experienced before. My insides felt similar to how I imagined a pumpkin felt after its guts had been scraped out for carving. Calling off that wedding had not been easy.
But it had been the right thing to do.
I had anticipated pain, and now that it was happening, I accepted it. I might be heartbroken for a couple of weeks, a couple of months. But I would hold out for that new beginning I was positive was in the distance. It would involve a more polished, confident version of me. I couldn't wait to meet her. And it would involve dating.
In order to get there sooner, I would allow myself to be sad, but I would also keep myself busy. I wouldn't have school to help me with that anymore because the semester was almost over, so I would have to be very deliberate about it. Exercise in the mornings, maybe get a new job, stay in touch with close friends who would help me feel better.
I had a great aunt and uncle who always promised us a place to stay if we wanted to come visit Seattle. Now might be the perfect time for a change of scenery to help me transition into this new stage of my life. I made arrangements to leave town shortly after I turned in my final project for the semester.
Most importantly, I was determined to immerse myself in the love of my Heavenly Father. I needed to feel His love for me well up in my heart like it always had when I had been in quiet places throughout my youth--around campfires at girls camp while testimonies of His goodness were shared, in church as I opened my heart in belief to the truths taught there, in my room at night as I sought Him in the scriptures.
And as it was with Moses and Joseph of Egypt and countless other prophets, I knew that He would be my refuge during times of trouble. In this most troubled time I had yet known, I was almost excited to see how He would lead me through it.
Yep, God. This is what we've trained for.
Lead the way.
Next Chapter: A Well-Worn Path
